I had awoken and knew he was gone. I had felt him leave. Like so many times in the previous 6 months he had given me an other worldly gift. I stood up and went to him. As I looked upon this man that I had loved my entire life I felt it. The loss. As if I plunged head first into freezing cold water my body was numb and my soul was shivering. In a breath, the words "oh daddy" somehow managed to escape my lips. I touched his face and looked into his eyes but I could not see him. I looked up and all around me - but I could not find him. All I could see was the mist of the dark grey in-between. And I saw my sleeping loved ones. No walls - just sleeping spirits. Three in other rooms, two right beside me. But I knew in that moment that I wasn’t with them either. I had this time to myself and they wouldn’t know he was gone until I woke them. So I gathered myself. I went to the bathroom. I prepared myself for their sadness. I knew this was my task. Looking back I wonder - if only I had given myself more time. Would I have seen him? Heard him? But I was ungrounded - floating between worlds. And my humanity kept me from understanding that at the time. The word "dead" pounding like a drum through my body. My father had died. Although my life would never be the same, I knew he was not gone from me. His physical body unseen - yet I see his smile in all smiles, I hear his voice in all voices. His words come to me in dreams. My heart is full of him, of all of us. For we are eternally loved. And forever is our chance to learn this. I choose to learn this now.